Love #2

i was HUGE!!!

hi there darling!

#babyiman was born on 28th april 2016, via c-section. his birth story was not as interesting as his sister, but still have a few moments of excitement.

after experiencing the first cesarean, i didnt think that i wanted to get pregnant again in the nearest future. stupid of me, getting lost in pleasure, didnt use any contraception, and lo and behold, i discovered i was pregnant again in november. honest to god, i wasnt ready for baby no.2. not when im still struggling with Trisyia. the thought of abortion did came to mind, im not gonna lie. but, the nurses at KKIA talked me out of it. yes, there're gonna be some complication and they're putting me under close supervision, but i just have to bear with it. early on they warned me that i might not be able to give birth naturally again since the gap was too close. but at that time, its too late already.

there wasnt any big concern throughout my pregnancy with #babyiman, except the concerns regarding the scar on my uterus. hence,  i read so many stories about uterus rupture, just to gain knowledge about it. what was different between my two pregnancies was how active i was. with Trisyia, i didnt travel much, especially long distanced. but with Iman, i went to many places hahah

HUGE!

CNY2016

when i was about 30 weeks along, the doctor said that they need to be sure of the probability of me giving birth naturally or otherwise. i had an appointment with the specialist to scan the scar on my uterus to see if it has healed completely or not. but without even scanning the doctor who look over my case straight away said that i need another c-sect. huh! so the date was set; April 28th 2016. they warned me that if i feel any pain before the date, please get myself to the ER stat!!!

baby no.2!!

so with the countdown ticked off, i had my birthday, and enjoyed more food while i can. i also prepared trisyia to be left alone with my mom. God, she was fine, but her mommy was a wreck!!

came 27th April, hubby drove me to the hospital. everything was fine and dandy, except i was terribly missing my babygirl. the other mothers must have thought that i was in pain or something since i constantly crying hahahahahahaha! as i was scheduled for c-sect, they didnt hook-up any monitoring device like last time. i was told that the first operation starts at 7.00am, and i'm no.7th in the list. give or take that every opration takes 30mins minimum, so i guessed my turn come at around 11.00am-ish. it wasnt until 1.30pm that i was told to get ready! the suspense could make me contract already!

my MIL was there (cant remember why she stopped by in the first place) as well with mr.hubby. they told me to change into another scrubs, ahd me lied down on the gurney, and rolled me into OR. this time i wasnt in pain, except again being dramatic (crying mess), so i was surprised to see how long the process it actually took. when we finally reached the OR (it was smaller that the previous time - means another room), i had lost some of my nerves. the prepping, the spinal, the get-up all done, i counted the minutes to finally see my son (i was told we're having a boy on the last check-up).

ya know, i prefer being all drugged up like the first operation. at least the haziness made the time go faster. this time, the doctor even scolded her staff for not properly setup the room - all my details are missing from the board, etc. i even had short conversations with the nurse looking over my vitals - i believed she's on the phone playing game or something :D . what struck out the most was that how long the doctor took to bring my child out. after some time the numbing started to wore off a bit i guessed since i felt throbbing in the cut area. by the time i realized what was really happening, my son was safely out, in his whitish glory. it seemed like he is covered in this white thing (i forgot what its called) and small pimple-like dots. the nurse said they are bringing my son up to NICU for further check-up and will bring him to me later.

even in my excitement of finally delivering my babyboy, the pain became unbearable. and i voiced it out. somehow, i was ignored and was told that it was normal! i was stitched up, wheeled to recovery room, and by the time they transferred me into my bed, i was crying out in pain! i dont recall much after that, though i remember mr.hubby was there, and after some time they sent my baby.

babyboy met atok!

i was in pain, i was tired and sleepy, and generally uncomfortable. my requests for painkiller was just this, "sabar ye puan, nanti saya refer doctor dulu". after some time, i moved my legs a bit, and felt the blood 'rushing out' hahah... i think it was blood clots, and felt a bit better afterwards. day  turned into night, and based on my first experience, i dread. i was afraid my baby would start crying again, since i had no milk yet. thankfully, he slept all the way, i had to check on his breathing lol.

while he slept, my sis dropped by to sent me food. again, stupid idea to eat so soon, even after 6 hours post-ops. yes, i vomited, had headache, generally hated the idea of eating.

lets not dwell longer here.

compared to my first birth, the second one left me in more pain, though i can say that i had expected some things to happen.

1. while he mostly slept on, there we time he was up and crying. however, this time nurses seems to be a bit lenient with us. there were few times they took babyiman away and fed him with hospital-issued formula. thank you seemed never sufficient.

2. i had some nice neighbours, who doesnt mind my crying baby, and sometime helped me too.

3. i had pretty much milk-boosters handy in my bag, but some things does nt simply worked out!

4. he slept a lot! so i had expected him t develop jaundice. i was right.


on day 3, i was declared fit enough to be released home. happy? i was ecstatic!! but i worried that i might go home alone again, my baby warded for jaundice. they took him for testing, and yes, his blood work came back positive for jaundice. immediately they rolled in the blue-light-machine-thingy, a photo-therapy machine if im not mistaken, and i was again horrified. and that was around noon-ish. they told me it was still under the standard for hospitalization, and asked me not to fret much. the haxxx!!! they are going to check with NICU specialist, and if they decide iman is fit to go home, then he can. horaayy!!

iman was bathing under the blue light, his little body seemed so small. 

thankfully, he did not make any fuss,unlike his dear big sis. by afternoon, the specialist came and told us the good news. iman can go back with me, however he has appointments and follow-ups and whatnot,but hey, as long as we doesnt need to stay at the hospital, im game!


so, home we go. yeay!!

next: siblings first meet!

Love #1 - pt.2

the journey began...

so, after settling in my bed, i was told not to move for at least 6 hours.  they also informed me that my baby was in NICU for the time being. i was still drugged up, so i didnt inquire much at that time, not even how my baby was feeding. after being left alone, i fell asleep.

then at around 4.00am, i was awaken by the nurse, saying that my baby wanted to nurse. she helped adjusted my position on the bed, and lied my baby next to me. as i had no experience with breastfeeding, she showed me how to position myself and my baby. needless to say it was awkward. i wasnt even sure if i had any milk for her. after she let go, i finally had a good look of her. her thick hair, scrunched up cute lil face, and just adorable yawn. im in love!

did i mentioned im prone to being panicky?

as we lay down together drifting off to lalaland, my lil girl gave a tiny cough and vomited a bit. heh. panicked again! i sat up instantly, and proceeded to vomit myself.

darnnit!

one of the thing im upset with with GH is that there was no call / emergency button equipped with the patient's bed. panicking with us both vomiting, i tried calling for the nurse. my bed was closer to the window, which means im quite inside from the aisle. its freaking 4.00ish am, so i dont want to yell just quite yet. somehow, a nurse heard my calling and came to help. she put my baby back into her crib, and a cleaner came to clear my mess. next i realized it was bright already outside.

babah changed her first diaper!!

thank you Allah for this precious gem

atok met baby! see the hair!!!

to cut the story short, hubby came, my family came, the in-laws came, it was quite a day. all the while my baby girl slept oblivious to the world around her. it was that night the depression started. it turned out that i had no milk, and she was only sucking my breast without any produce the whole day. that night, she cried because she's hungry. and it broke my heard when i came to realized the truth. i too cried - felt sooo helpless and worthless. i was so proud and determined to fully breastfeed my baby, but i cant even make it past 24 hours of her life. she finally quiet down a bit after i fed her plain water after the mother next bed adviced me so. i will tell you NOT to do that.

 i've never felt so bad as i did that time. (i'll put this into another separate part).

i stayed for 3 days in the hospital. the morning of my discharge,  the NICU nurse took my baby for final check-up, but i was told the news all new mothers dreaded. she has jaundice. and she cant come home with me. i remembered feeling so.....heartbroken. my tears were my new best friend. that afternoon mr.hubby & my mom came to pick me up. after all the paperwork done, i went to NICU to see my baby, but in my grief and teary eyes, i couldnt spot her! thank god mr.hubby was calmer and directed me to her. oh Allah! i still get teary even writing this!!

so, i went home, leaving my baby with the doctor's care.

i left the tag on, saying i wasnt 'home' until my baby is too

 it was 2 days later that the NICU called and told us our baby was cleared and can come home. SYUKRAN JAZILAN!!!! thank you Allah!!! my baby can come home!!

mommy new love!

but my excitement was short lived because the local nurse thatcame and visit us said she's 'yellowish' and had us to go to hospital for check-up. we did (im a first tome mother, but i learnt my lesson), and when the blood result came, the pediatric department called up at 10.00pm and forced us to bring baby girl to be admitted. at 11.00pm! mr.hubby tried to reason with her, asking whether we can go in the morning, but no.

so, out we go, and my tears resupplied. we stayed for 2 days in pedia, before the doctor released my baby home. in the 2 days time, i learnt what postnatal depression is. and it is not to be taken lightly. it felt like there were several other me, all feeling differently. it was the second night that i broke down, in the dark, my baby cried of hunger. the nurse, up till this day, i was forever thankful. she took my baby, fed her formula, and gave me painkiller and told me to rest first. and i did, slept till someone woke me.

we went home, finally. there were check-ups and appointments, but at least we're nt confined to the ward or hospital anymore. there were more downs afterward, with babygirl having colic, but in the end, i managed to get by. we managed. till this day, with #babyiman too in the house, i am learning everyday on how to be a mother, better and better.

nur batrisyia bt mohd. faridzulnizam, mommy loves you till forever!

mommy's best friend

cheeky!

#babyiman in the making

her first long-journey trip, and first raya

on the rare occasion mommy puts her in a dress

<3 <3 <3

till next time.
tata~~~
  

Love #1

#babytrisyia is still sleepy 

born Nur Batrisyia on May 3rd, 2015 thru emergency c-section. her birth story is one i'll never get tired telling again and again. probably because it is my first experience ha ha ha


ok. where do i start? shortly before eh?


so, #babytristyia was 7 days overdue from the date she was expected to pop out. honestly mommy expected a painful but beautiful natural birth, alas, my lil princess just wanted to stay cozy inside her nest -_-" . after the last check-up, and still no sign of her making her way out, so the doctors gave me another 7 days to wait. if she's still given no sign, i'll have to be induced. oh, the horror of even thinking that! all mamas & mommies, papa & babah, atuk, nenek, opah, said were:


"she wants to share the same birthday with (insert a name)". it seems like we have a few family members born in April. ME INCLUDED!!! hahah!!


another message was from my oldest sister, saying that Allah Almighty plans that i have my baby on the day my late father left us. now that one bring tears to my eyes.


so, while spending the waiting period doing everything that the good ol' gramma said to do; walk, squat, sex, eat this and that, and still nothing. she seems determined to stay inside! by the end of the 7th day, i gave up. we're going to need some help, a motion-kicker so to say. had all my necessities packed, hers as well, and ready to go.


next morning, a saturday, my hubby drove us to the hospital. we're no biggie in where our child would be born, so, we chose the General Hospital of Kuala Lumpur. at the very least, if anything goes wrong, they have the specialist doctors there. after registering and went thru the first ever opening checking or seluk as they say in malay, (NOT A NICE FEELING), they sent me up to the ward and had me change into the pink scrubs.

pink!

tagged!

to cut the story short, i was given the first round of induce med on sunday morning at 6.30am. the doctor inserted a pill up my ms.V in order to start the contractions. fast forward to noon, they called me up to check whether i have an opening yet or not, but honestly, i dont feel any contraction. so, without any hope, i went to the exam room, hoping that mr.hubby will be ther soon withh lunch.

this is when things really takes off. oh dramatic me!

when the doctor (a chinese female, since some people thinks mostly of malay female/male gynae works at government hospital), checked for an opening and said only 2cm opened, i was not surprised. what surpised me to the point of panicking is when without warning, my water broke! it's like...pouring out from down below, warm water. i started to panic for some reason heh... she told me to go back to my bed, leave the slippers behind, get my baby's stuff and come back. the thing is, i dont have my baby's bag with me, its in the car, at home. called up mr.hubby in my panicky state (i was flat out sobbing by then), told him about was has happened and that they are bringing me to labor room. he said he's waiting for my mom to finish my lunch (i havent eaten anything since the night before since the doc told me to fast), and will be there in a while.


so, after telling the nurses that mr.hubby is on his way with the baby's bag, they pushed me down to LR, with my water trailing all the way. huh. took some time to get a room, i had the privileges to see them clean up all the blood and mess from the previous birth. imagine what my over-imaginative mind give me!


got the room, they helped me settled n the table? bed? gurney? it had 3 separate cushions/paddings, which i later on dislodged from its place hahahahaaaaa....not funny! by the time mr.hubby came, i calmed down a bit, but not much. i was hungry. i was scared. i felt alone. did i mention being hungry? yes, aside from the contraction pain, which has started to show how it actually felt, i was damn hungry! i asked the nurse if i can have a small bite of something, or some water, but she said no.

note to self: next time, eat before you give birth. you need the energy!

nothing much that i remembered after the pain started coming. i remember talking to my 3rd sister, telling mr.hubby to tell my mom to go home, at some point i cried out for my father, being ever so hungry...nad thirsty. finally one of the nurse took pity on me and help me drink little sips of water. thank you ms.nurse! mr.hubby didnt sit with me for long, he left, cant remember for what... and then there was rain. and thunder. possibly a storm. by them they had given me the 2nd stage of the medication. and the contraction was killing me! i remember counting up to 30 (in seconds) when the pain hits, and the spaces between each contraction was quite close. the doctors and nurses (a bunch of them) come in one after another to check on me and my opening. one asked if i wanted anything for my pain, the offering being either epidural or gas.i picked gas. it did nothing much, but at that moment i doesnt want to resort to something that will have lasting effect.

silly me!

i was alone mostly, means that mr.hubby chose to be somewhere else. i felt betrayed back then, held a bit of resentment that proved to be dangerous further on. more on that later. i cried a lot. i was writhing in pain, part of the padding came off from the bed. i felt cold, exposed. whatever left of my scrubs was soaked in blood and amniotic fluid. i remember asking God to get it over with.


by 7.00pm, i only progressed to 5cm. all that pain and only 3cm extra?? there were talks about other option i.e c-section, but the doctor gave me up to 9.00pm for natural birth. heh.


9.00pm came, the doctor decided to go ahead with c-section. somehow i managed to call mr.hubby, told him the news. in my pain-induced hazy state, they prepped my up for surgery, got me ti signed some forms (how i managed? i have no idea). i cant remember how many forms i need to sign, how much prep talk different people gave me in regards to the ops, how many gurney/bed i transferred into/from, before finally i got into OT. in between contractions, they got the epidural in my spine (bless the relief!!!) and, well...they proceed to cut me open.


one of the nurses would come and asked me some things or other just to make surethat im still awake hahahaaaa...finally released from contraction pain, i just lied there waiting for my baby. they had this piece of cloth or something up and covered my view of any reflective surface so i dont get to see not a glimpse of the operation. suddenly, i started to get cold, real cold. one of the nurse adjusted the wrap/bubble thing the put on me, raising the temp. i was tempted to just sleep...


you know, with half of your body numb from drugs you cant feel anything, but i can feel the doctor pushed and pulled, and at some point shake my belly left and right. my baby came out without any crying sounds, i can only see a glimpse of her (I DID NOT KNOW THE GENDER BEFOREHAND! ALWAYS REFERRED AS A BOY!!!), and the thick dark hair. they checked her over, then asked me to verify that she is okay, has toes and fingers accounted for and the gender. i was like...

"oh! gegirl. babah must be happy..." i think i DID said that out loud...

hahahahaha!! now, mind you, i dont give a darnest whether my baby is a girl or a boy, but after 9 months of thinking im having a lil guy, i was pleasantly surprised to verify a girl. after that they took her to NICU, as i was being stitched up. done with that, they had me change bed/gurney again for a couple of time, before rolling me back to my bed. met up with mr.hubby in the lift, told him its a girl and he escorted me to my bed. after i got settled in, i asked for something to drink (bad idea, note to self!) and then mr.hubby needs to leave.


so yeah, timeline for 3rd May 2015:


6.30am - 1st med
12.45noon - 1st check
1.15pm - went to LR
9.00pm - c-sec decided
10.27pm - baby was born
11.45pm - back in ward


so, there ya go. my recount on Day 1. more coming up!!


TBC.


tata~~~

Back In Action...

...or, mommy finally has some free time. YAY!!

omaigoodness!!! the last entry was way back in 2014?!!!?! that time #babytrisyia is yet to be discovered as a girl, still growing inside mommy's tummy. now she is 17months+, and a BIG SISTER herself!!!

haha! ohhhhhhh how time flies!!!

realizing now that there was such a big gap between this and the last entry, i think i will make separate entries about my babies :) if not, this will be superrrr long one hahah!

just a quickie:

over the past 2 years, this mommy has:

1. give birth to her first child, a girl #babytrisyia
2. give birth to her second child, a boy #babyiman
3. had overlapping c-sect scars from 2 c-sect birth
4. gained kilos, stretch marks that will last forever, a newfound respect for all mothers, and a kind of love that have no words to describe!

yes, i think i knew what love is, but i was wrong! being a mother has brought me another kind of love, and im addicted to this kinda love. i think all mothers understand this feeling :)

so yeah...i'll have separate entries for each of my love, or, maybe more :D

off for this one. tata~~~

Haywire!

there goes what supposedly be a daily update.

sighhh...

was sick to the state of bed-ridden last week, and spent most of this week catching up on work missed for (only) two days! just two days absent from work, there're so many to catch up. darn it!!

this growing lil one is really making his mommy miserable. aren't you my dear...

first, he rejected all my choices of food, been eat & vomit every meal time. (yeah, moomy gonna blame you for all this dear). so, instead of gaining weight, people has been commenting on how i've lost some pounds. what shocked them is that when i told 'em i'm preggers, and they went like '...but, you're getting thinner!!'

trust me. i am concerned about that too. but, from what i've gathered from many pregnancy-related websites i've gone through, what i'm having is pretty normal. you have NVP, can't keep food down, or even water, so of course you gonna lose some KGs.

i seriously had a miserable time with NVP. still having it now. experts and the experienced said it will lessen during 2nd trimester, and probably will return in 3rd trimester. reallly praying it will simply fade away, so that i can enjoy the feeling of becoming a mommy.

till next one, im gonna have another go at the loo.

tata~~~

Discovered!

Oh Baby!!!

if it's not for a dream, and sudden whim for mommy to check, surely i wont discover you this early. mommy's period was never on schedule, as unpredictable as mommy's own mood. so, when it was late, i didn't give it much thought. especially thoughts involving your creation. but, that one dream really gave mommy a push onto discovering you.

funny, as mommy has given up hope of having a child in the near future. so, you are a blessing, my little one. a gift from Allah Al-Mighty.

i discovered you first, and then, i told your Babah. he didnt act surprised or happy; he just took a look at the test kit, nodded a few times, and proceeded to have his dinner. but, knowing who he is, i bet he's jumping in the inside. still, with his lack of reaction, he gave me several warnings already by the time dinner finishes. "no more high heels", "no heavy lifting", "no running, jumping, stomping around the office", "no gassy drinks"... aishhhh

Babah calls you Adik for now....

oh, you have an older sister, but, due to unwanted circumstances, she is not with us. for now. hopefully, one day, she will.

well...from that night on, more and more people became to know about you. of course, your dear youngest aunt was excited to hear about you. so does the others. everyone is happy to hear your are coming to this world. and Mommy? I CAN'T WAIT!!

if you are a boy, you will be Mommy's hero.
if you are a girl, you are my lil princess.
whatever the hormones turn you in, as long as you come to me healthy and happy, Mommy's happy.

mommy is counting the days...are you as well?

New Life, New Chapter

a new life created,
brings in a new chapter...
light up our world.

A daily (as much as everyday as this can be lah haha) record on the growing lil One in Mommy's tummy...

currently 8 weeks old*